We computer geeks are a breed of our own, and as with any group of people with mutual references, we often make jokes and observations that are totally incomprehensible to outsiders. So consider this post a litmus test. If you laugh at these jokes, then you are most definitely a computer geek. Note: In case you needed to assess your geekiness even more thoroughly, see if you like these awesome license plates for computer geeks. An SQL statement walks into a bar and sees two tables.
Q: Why is it that programmers always confuse Halloween with Christmas? Q: How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb? A: None. Two strings walk into a bar and sit down. The programmer got stuck in the shower because the instructions on the shampoo bottle said: Lather, Rinse, Repeat. A logician tells a colleague his wife just had a baby. What is the biggest lie in the entire universe? Sources: Mostly two veryvery long Slashdot threads.
Note: This article first appeared on this blog back inand we slightly touched up the jokes listed here. I am always wondering that why so many people are indulged in lotteries, based on the fact that the chance to win is so slim.
Puns about Places ()
I am a young painter from China, specializing in creating different kind of oil paintings. Look forward to making friends who love painting. I prefer to think of it as donating to furthering education, with a discrete possibility of living high on the hog forever. Helpdesk: Sir if you see the blue screen, press any key to continue. Customer : hm. You may be smart,but who fixes the mechanical things that make your profession possible? If your car or bus or train or plane or boat breaks down,how do you get to work?
Call a cab? They are all down for repair. Work from home? Powers out. The steam turbine that generates electricity is down for repair. The world got on fine without electricity before. It got on fine without a lot of stuff we developed over the past thousand years.
How dull would that be?
We create these things so that we may progress as a species and become more powerful and influential in the universe, lest we die out a boring, pointless existence. When did we ever say programmers contributed more than mechanics? Why are you even trying to create conflict there?
My dog ate my computer science project "your dog ate your coding assignment? What do you call it when computer science majors make fun of each other? Cyber boolean. I don't like computer science jokes Not one bit.
Found this on my computer science teacher's webpage A helicopter with a pilot and a single passenger was flying around above Seattle when a malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's navigation and communications equipment. Due to the darkness and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position and course to get back to What's the difference between a computer science student and a brick?
The brick gets laid. A professor is teaching Computer Science A professor is teaching computer science and gets to the topic of recursion, but after reading his prepared notes, one of his students seems particularly perplexed and questions the teacher. A computer science student The student next to him grabbed the note. The first student tried to grab it back. This joke may contain profanity.
How does a computer science major pick up girls? Oh shit thought this was google. If you want to be a computer science major, all you have do is get sick. There are 2 truly difficult problems in Computer Science 0: Naming things 1: Cache invalidation 2: Off by one errors. A student asks CS professor: did your years of studying computer science ever helped you in your life? Professor replies: oh yes, for sure, computer science did help me in my life. One day I'd get my socks from the laundry and they were all mixed up in a big pile of socks.
My computer science professor was fired for giving a lecture in Octal My school has very strict policies regarding eight-speech. Best Computer Science Joke! A man and woman are in a computer programming lecture. The man touches the woman's breasts. A computer science student is studying under a tree and another pulls up on a flashy new bike. A young computer science student is on the phone with his father His father says: "so how have your classes been going?
I did really well on my test on hexadecimal today!
It was only worth fifteen points, but I'm still happy about it. What grade did you get?Q: How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb? A: None. It's a hardware problem. Q: Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas? There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don't. Q: What does a proud computer call his little son?
A: A microchip off the old block.
Q: What is another name for a computer virus? A: A terminal illness Q: What do you get if you take your computer to an ice rink? A: A slipped disk Q: How can you tell if a computer geek is an extrovert? A: They stare at your shoes when you talk instead of their own. Q: Why did the programmer use the entire bottle of shampoo during one shower?
A: Because the bottle said "Lather, Rinse, Repeat. A: Welcome to A: They get too distracted chasing the mouse around. Windows Vista supports real multitasking - it can boot and crash simultaneously. The box said 'Requires Windows 95 or better'. So I installed Linux. In a world without fences and walls, who needs Gates and Windows? Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes. If at first you don't succeed, call it version 1. My attitude isn't bad. It's in beta.
Programming is like sex, one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life. Failure is not an option. It comes bundled with your Microsoft product. I would love to change the world, but they won't give me the source code. Unix is user friendly. It's just selective about who its friends are.
Bugs come in through open Windows. To err is human - and to blame it on a computer is even more so. Artificial intelligence usually beats real stupidity. If you think patience is a virtue, try surfing the net on a A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. Quick, Funny Jokes!
Nerdy Computer Geek Jokes.If you like computer jokes, then this is the right place. Know a funny computer joke? Share with us. Funny jokes about computers, email jokes, internet jokes, What's the difference between a computer salesman and a used-car salesman? How do you tell if a blonde is using a computer? Their's liquid paper all over the screen!
There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.Fumasi 167352 pinza regolabile per tubi e dadi 300mm
When asked to define "Great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger! A man was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will tell everyone how smart and brave you are and how you are my hero" The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will be your loving companion for an entire week. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a year and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me? I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool.
A computer technician says "Why even have a 3-chip Hi-Def camcorder if you can't calibrate the white balance"!!!!!!! Womens are like computer virus SHIFT your balance Funny computer jokes If you like computer jokes, then this is the right place.In the beginning was the Word. Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated, and all your code will serve the collective! HAL [nervous]: "Dave, put down those Windows disks!!!
Microsofts software development department seems to be either braindead, or held hostage by bureaucracy. A list with 50 smart quotations providing deep insights and a lot of practical wisdom can be found here.
Now, God only knows! The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful Princess, I will stay with you for one week. Finally the frog asked, "What is it? Why won't you kiss me? I don't have time for girlfriends, but a talking frog is really cool. The first one wrote "beg" on his broken steel cup. After one day he had received ten bucks. The second one wrote "beg. After one day he had received hundreds of thousand of dollars.
The third one wrote "eBeg" on his cup. Both IBM and HP sent vice-presidents to talk to him about a strategic alliance and offered him free hardware and professional consulting.
Cisco just announced that virtually all eBeg traffic runs over their equipment. The computer allows you to make mistakes faster than any other invention, with the possible exception of handguns and tequila. A computer scientist is someone who fixes things that aren't broken.
The only thing more dangerous than a hardware guy with a code patch is a programmer with a soldering iron. Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots.
So far, the Universe is winning. The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
Dijkstra I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife. If debugging is the process of removing software bugs, then programming must be the process of putting them in. Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes. There are two ways to write error-free programs; only the third one works. It's only 1's and 0's. If you can't beat your computer at chess, try kick-boxing. I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.Short, Clean Jokes And Puns That Will Get You A Laugh Every Time
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home. E-mail - When it absolutely, positively has to get lost at the speed of light.
The only truly secure computer is one buried in concrete, with the power turned off and the network cable cut. This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. The content of some parts of this web-site is a colorful potpourri collected over the years especially the pages "project management" and "computer jokes".
The various items were "quasi" found in the vastness of the Internet and the E-mail archives this also implies that the original sources are unknown.Why did the computer go to the doctor? Because it had a virus! What do you call a computer floating in the ocean? A Dell Rolling in the Deep. What is written on Steve Jobs tombstone? Because they don't C. What do you call a computer that sings? A-Dell Where did the computer go to dance?
To a disc-o. Because it left its windows open. What is an astronaut's favorite place on a computer? The Space bar!
What did the dentist say to the computer? This won't hurt a byte. What type of a computer does a horse like to eat? A Macintosh. What does a blonde do when her laptop computer freezes? She sticks it in the microwave!
How do you know if a blonde has been using a computer? There's whiteout on the screen. What do you call a woman you married off the internet? What does a baby computer calls its father? Obsolete What do you get if you cross a computer with a ballet dancer? The Netcracker suite. What does a king computer do? Execute his programs!
Why won't blondes take their iPhones to the bathroom? Because they don't want to give away their IP address! How do you get a computer drunk? A Screenshot of Tequila.
Why couldn't Bill Gates get a mistress? What part of a computer does a spider use? The webcam. What happens when a Buddhist becomes totally absorbed with the computer he is working with?
He enters Nerdvana. Why did Jack and Jill "really" go up the hill? To get better Wi-fi. Why was the computer shy? Because it had hardware and software but no underware.To return Click Here.Livre islamique pour conjurer un jinn
Instead of manually entering the email addresses you want to send to each and every time, you can now create your own personalized contact list that will be available for you to use any time you want to share one of our posts with your friends and family. Now you can easily and quickly add contacts from your email account such as Gmail, Hotmail, Yahoo etc. Toggle Navigation Menu.Bug check code 59
Go to BabaMail. The Smartphone Poem. My new phone is "smart.
Amazing what all this here smart phone has got. TV and Weather and Internet, too. There's just no limits to what it can do. Check my blood pressure and my temperature Without even probing all my apertures. I now know the time in Paris or Greece.
I can track the migration of thousands of geese Or find Chinese food; it's here on this map. Oops, my finger just slipped, now where was that at?
A camera Now I can take shots Of everyone I know who'd rather I not. Push this here button and take me a "selfie. Email to pester with, video to shoot, Maps to drive 'round with, wow that's a hoot!Hexatech vpn chrome
A compass to guide me home if I'm lost. The things that it does would amaze Mr. What he would have thought of it, no one can tell, But one question's still stuck in my middle-aged craw. Despite all the gizmos that strike me with awe, They're fun and they're useful and "techy" and all But how do I just simply make a phone call?
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